What a Somatic Trauma Informed Coach Actually Does

You’ve spent so much time and money on therapy. You’ve also read every book and free PDF you could find on the inter webs. So your knowledge on narcissistic abuse and what you went through is pretty much at expert level! 

Yet your heart palpitations still keeps you up at night. And you still grin and say “yes” when you mean a hard “no”…

And there’s a reason for that:

Talking and thinking about your trauma isn’t enough to change how your body reacts to it. Because newsflash—your nervous system doesn’t respond to language cues.

That’s why you can’t instruct your heartbeat to chill out when you’re mid panic attack! 

This is where a somatic trauma informed coach becomes the missing piece to your recovery.

I learned this the hard way after spending thousands on traditional talk therapy that still left me uncontrollably crying whenever I had a minor disagreement. (Trying to keep the crazy under wraps when you’re impressing a new potential bachelor, is not the one)!

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re at your wits end, close to giving up and accepting this new hysterical person you’ve become! I’ve been there, so I feel your frustration and lack of confidence in healing methods!

But honey—you’re not the problem!

It’s just that nobody’s ever taught you the role your body plays in healing. So I’m going to let you in on that now…

What Does ‘Somatic’ Actually Mean?

Let me start with the basics first before you dismiss this as “woo-woo” (because it’s not—there’s evidence behind it). 

Somatic simply means “relating to the body”. And it comes from the Greek word “soma”, meaning body. So when we talk about somatic approaches, we’re talking about methods that work directly with your body’s sensations, movements and nervous system responses.

You see, your body is constantly sending signals to your brain. In fact, 80% of the communication between your brain and nervous system flows from your body upwards, not the other way around [Stephen W. Porges]. So when you’ve experienced trauma—especially the complex trauma that comes with narcissistic abuse—this communication system gets disrupted.

Which looks like your body reacting to “danger” even though you’re perfectly safe. It’s just that your mind doesn’t know how to interpret or calm those signals (thanks trauma)!

Why Your Body Stores Trauma

Trauma is more than a collection of terrible memories—it affects your whole nervous system too. Like your muscles, your breath and even those dodgy shoulders that are nearly touching your ears! 

Think about it:

When you recall a bad memory, say your ex cheated on you, what do you notice when you cast your mind back to that time? 

Because for me, I notice a pit developing in my stomach, my chest feels heavy and I can feel anger start to simmer inside me. So a traumatic memory is a visceral experience that sets off a whole chain of reactions when remembered. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the leading trauma researchers, proved this in his groundbreaking research (he wrote “The Body Keeps the Score”, if you didn’t know). 

So what happens when you experience repeated trauma, is your body learns to stay in survival mode. Because your nervous system gets stuck in patterns like hypervigilance or emotional numbing.

Which is why you might find yourself:

• Feeling anxious for “no reason”
• Unable to relax even in safe situations
• Struggling with unexplained physical symptoms
• Reacting to triggers before you even consciously recognise them

What’s a trauma informed approach?

A trauma informed approach recognises that many of the struggles you’re facing aren’t character flaws or things you need to “get over”. They’re normal responses to overwhelming experiences. 

What traditional therapy often falls short on is its focus on just changing your thoughts or processing memories. Which is helpful and necessary, but does miss the body’s vital role in trauma responses.

The five principles of trauma informed care

When working with any trauma informed professional, you should expect:

1. Safety – both physical and emotional safety are prioritised
2. Trustworthiness – clear communication and transparency in the process
3. Choice – you maintain control and have options throughout
4. Collaboration – you’re an active partner, not a passive patient
5. Empowerment – the focus is on building your strengths and resilience

But here’s where somatic approaches take it further—they add your body into the equation.

What Is Somatic Trauma Informed Coaching?

A somatic trauma informed coach combines the principles of trauma informed care with body-based interventions to help you heal at a nervous system level.

In a nutshell: 

It’s coaching that helps you develop a better connection between your mind and body. Instead of just talking about your trauma, you’re learning to sense what’s happening in your body and work with those sensations to create change.

In my experience, this is where real transformation happens. You stop just understanding your patterns and start actually changing them from the inside out.

How it’s different from traditional therapy

Let me be clear: I’m not bashing traditional therapy. It has its place, and many survivors benefit from it. (I personally believe you need both a mind and body approach to make a proper impact). 

Here’s a breakdown of some of their key differences:

Traditional therapy tends to focus on:

• Processing memories and experiences
• Understanding patterns cognitively
• Developing coping strategies mentally
• Talking through feelings and reactions

Somatic trauma informed coaching includes all of that, but works in the present and adds:

• Working directly with nervous system responses
• Learning to sense and interpret body signals
• Developing embodied boundaries and self-trust
• Practising regulation techniques that your body actually understands

Think of it this way: if trauma lives in your nervous system (as well as the mind), doesn’t it make sense to heal your body too?

You can read more about the difference between somatic coaching and therapy in this blog post here. 

The Evidence Behind Why This Works

Dr. Peter Levine’s work has been studied a fair bit since its introduction (he’s the dude that invented Somatic Experiencing), and so far, the results look pretty encouraging: 

A 2017 study followed people with PTSD through 15 sessions of Somatic Experiencing, and nearly half of them no longer met the criteria for PTSD by the end [Brom et al., 2017]. 

A literature review of all the Somatic Experiencing studies together, also found it consistently helped with both the emotional and physical symptoms of trauma [Kuhfuß et al., 2021].

And there’s Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory too, which helps explains why you can logically know you’re safe, but still feel and react like you’re not. To put it simply: your nervous system has a hierarchy of responses, and sometimes it gets stuck in one of its states because of old ingrained patterns [Porges, 2022]. So it needs a bit of help re-learning new patterns.

Your nervous system’s three states 🚦

Here’s what’s happening in your nervous system during it’s different states:

🟢 Safe and Social – your nervous system is calm, you can think clearly, connect with others, and make good decisions.

🟡 Fight or Flight – your sympathetic nervous system activates (heart rate increases, breathing becomes shallow, muscles tense) to get you ready for action.

🔴 Freeze/Shutdown – your parasympathetic nervous system takes over—you might feel numb, disconnected, or “checked out.”

The brilliant thing about somatic work is that you learn to recognise these states in your body and develop tools to consciously shift between them. So once you learn that stuff, you’ve got it with you for life.

*A wee disclosure: there are affiliate links on this page. That just means if you click on a link – and follow through with buying it – i’ll make a commission. Don’t worry, you won’t pay any extra and sometimes you might even get a cheeky discount! Click here for more info.

Common Trauma Informed Practices You Can Try

Whilst working with a qualified professional is ideal (especially if you get dysregulated), there are some gentle practices you can start exploring by yourself:

Grounding techniques

• Connect to your senses by noticing 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste.
• Feel your feet on the floor and the connection between them and the ground.
• Tense and relax different muscle groups and notice the difference between them.

Breathing practices

• Box breathing: inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4.
• Belly breathing: place one hand on your chest, and the other on your belly and feel your hands move with your breath.
• Sigh of relief: take a deep inhale, then let out an audible “ahhhh”.

Body awareness

• Scan your whole body and notice sensations without trying to change them.
• Gently move your body guided by your intuition of what you feel you need, like stretching your arms wide open.
• Notice your body temperature and if you feel warm, cool, or neutral.

I’ve given you a lot of practices because everyone’s unique and different; what might work for me, might not work for you! And I want you to get a flavour of what somatic work can look like, so you can try it out and see what you like best. For example, I hate box breathing, it doesn’t calm me and makes me feel short of breath. But some love it and it’s there go to! 

So the trick is to start by finding one you like and to keep practicing it—because one and done isn’t enough unfortunately! 

If any of these practices ever feel too much for you, just don’t do them. And perhaps get support from a professional who can guide you or offer you variations.

Building your window of tolerance

One of the key concepts in trauma work is your “window of tolerance”—the zone where you can handle stress and emotions without getting too overwhelmed or shutting down.

Trauma tends to narrow this window. But somatic practices help you widen it again, giving you more capacity to handle life’s inevitable challenges without your nervous system going haywire.

Why Somatic Work Is Needed for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, your nervous system has been through a particular kind of hell. The constant walking on eggshells, the gaslighting, the intermittent reinforcement—all of this creates specific patterns in your body.

You might find yourself:

• Constantly scanning for danger or mood changes in others
• Feeling guilty or selfish when you prioritise your own needs
• Struggling to trust your own perceptions and body signals
• Feeling disconnected from your body or emotions altogether

The body keeps the score of gaslighting

Gaslighting disrupts your ability to trust your own bodily sensations and intuition. You learn to override your gut feelings, dismiss red flags and shrink to fit someone else’s agenda.

But here’s the thing: your body never lies. Even when your mind is confused, your nervous system is still picking up on cues and responding to them in real time. And when you learn to tune into those signals, you’ll start to feel more in control of your reactions.

How Somatic Coaching Helps Rebuild Self-Trust

One of the most devastating effects of narcissistic abuse is the erosion of self-trust. You start questioning everything—your memories, your feelings, your perceptions of reality.

Somatic work helps rebuild this trust from the bottom up by teaching you to:

Recognise your body’s signals

Your body is constantly giving you information about safety, comfort, excitement and danger. Learning to notice these subtle cues helps you make decisions from a place of wisdom rather than fear or confusion.

For example, you might notice that when someone is genuinely kind, your chest feels open and your breathing is easy. But when someone is shouting at you, your stomach might tighten and your posture might be wincing.

Develop Embodied Boundaries

Boundaries are more than just mental concepts, they’re felt experiences in your body too. And when you know what a solid boundary feels like in your nervous system, you can maintain it even when someone is pushing against it.

This is completely different from the shaky, uncertain boundaries that come from just “knowing” intellectually that you should say no to something.

Distinguish between intuition and trauma responses

This is huge. After abuse, it can be hard to tell the difference between genuine intuition (valuable information) and hypervigilance (trauma response).

Somatic work helps you learn the difference by paying attention to how each one feels in your body. Intuition tends to feel grounded and clear, even if the message is uncomfortable. Hypervigilance often feels frantic, scattered, or overwhelming.

What to Expect in Somatic Trauma Informed Coaching Sessions

If you’re curious about working with a somatic trauma informed coach, here’s what you can typically expect:

It’s not just talking

These sessions go beyond just talking about your history for months on end. You get more of an experience instead, where you’ll be prompted to notice and give feedback on what’s happening in your body at that time.

Your coach might ask you questions like:

• “What do you notice in your body when you think about that situation?”
• “Where do you feel that emotion in your body?”
• “What happens to your breathing when you imagine setting that boundary?”

You’ll learn practical tools

Rather than just understanding your patterns, you’ll develop a toolkit of embodied practices you can use in real-time. These might include breathing techniques, movement practices, or ways to discharge stress and tension from your system.

It’s about building capacity

The goal isn’t to never feel triggered again (that’s not realistic). Instead, it’s about building your capacity to handle triggers when they come up and bouncing back from them more quickly. It’s learning to work with your nervous system rather than battling against it.

You stay in control

Good somatic work always prioritises your agency and choice. So every practice is an invitation where you’re encouraged to listen to your body’s wisdom about what feels right.

Finding the Right Support for Your Healing Journey

Not all coaches or therapists are created equally, especially when it comes to trauma work. So make sure they:

Have proper training and credentials

Make sure your practitioner has specific training in trauma and somatic approaches. This isn’t something you can learn in a weekend workshop and needs extensive education and supervised practice.

Understand narcissistic abuse

Working with someone who understands the specific dynamics of narcissistic abuse should be one of the most important things you look for. Because if you don’t have the right support, you risk being set back in your recovery and feeling invalidated.

Are trauma informed

Your practitioner should understand that symptoms aren’t pathologies to be fixed, but adaptive responses that served a purpose. 

Remember, you have every right to ask potential coaches or therapists about their training, approach, and experience with trauma survivors.

Your Body Knows the Way Forward

I really want you to know that you’re not a lost cause. And the symptoms you’re experiencing are normal responses to overwhelming experiences. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do to help you survive and stay protected.

The problem is that your system learned to detect threats that are no longer there, or to react to current stressors as if they were life-threatening.

But just as your body learned these patterns, it can learn new ones. Your nervous system is remarkably adaptable, and with the right support and tools, you can teach it to recognise safety again.

You can learn to trust your instincts, set boundaries that serve you, and move through the world with a sense of calm rather than constant vigilance. 

And I know this because I did the work to undo the damage my last relationship had on me. I used to be so suspicious of everyone I’d meet, living like everyone was a threat to me. Constantly alert and on edge looking for signs of abuse.

And I’m not like that now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m cautious but the difference is that I don’t let my fear rule my actions. So it’s about learning to integrate your traumatic experiences in a way that allows you to reclaim your full, vibrant life.

Your body may hold the memory of what hurt you, but it also holds your capacity for healing, joy, and deep connection too. Working with a skilled somatic trauma informed coach can help you access that innate wisdom and resilience…

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