Like your thumping heart when you need to speak up, happens because your brain literally thinks you’re under threat. Because with him, you were.
Neuroscience says, your brain uses past experiences to predict what your body’s sensations mean. So after abuse, it predicts ‘danger’ even when you’re safe.
The self-help books and therapy sessions gave you the words to explain your experiences. But you still can’t shake the feeling that maybe you’re just being ‘too sensitive’. Or ‘overreacting’ to a situation that ‘wasn’t that bad’.
So despite your expert knowledge of narcissistic abuse, you can’t figure out why you’re STILL not over it months later.
And that’s because knowing isn’t enough to rewire a feeling.
It’s like trying to stop blushing by thinking really hard about it. Your flushed cheeks override your logic of “I want to stop feeling embarrassed”. Because your brain is operating from old predictions where you felt embarrassed before.
That’s why you need more than new thoughts – you need new experiences too…
After he discarded me via text – A TEXT! – I spent months convinced everything was my fault.
That I was too sensitive, too needy and too much.
And what I’ve learned since then is that endless replaying in your head isn’t because there’s something wrong with you.
You’re just trying to make sense of an experience that didn’t follow normal human behaviour.
Because narcissists don’t do normal relationships. They do emotional destruction.
And the typical advice – ‘get under someone else’, ‘focus on yourself’, ‘time heals all wounds’ – completely misses the point.
Because you’re more than just sad – you’re questioning your entire reality. And that changes everything about how you heal from it.
Which is why you need someone who gets it and has come out the other side…
Since 2019 I’ve been researching, integrating and specialising in the healing of narcissistic abuse. Got the badges too: I’m a somatic trauma informed coach and narcissistic abuse specialist (if quals are important to you, you can read about mine in the FAQs below).
I spent years doing this because I needed to understand the science behind why I felt so unhinged after my breakup. And how I could go about changing that.
More importantly, how I could help you change it too.
The way we do that is through somatic work (basically learning to speak your body’s language).
You’ll discover why minor disagreements might leave you in floods of tears, or fuming with rage, or an urgency to leave. Why ‘no’ gets stuck in your throat and why your gut feelings feel so unreliable right now.
What’s different with my approach though, is we’re not adding more to your already anxious mind. We’re moving out of your head and reconnecting with your body instead, so you can finally trust yourself again.
And before you wonder if you’re ‘strong enough’ for this… Let me remind you that only someone who’s been through what you have knows what real strength is.
Like when someone asks if you want to go out, and you say yes automatically. Then spend the whole night wishing you were at home in your jammies. Or when you agree to help with something and immediately feel that sinking dread.
That’s because somewhere along the way, keeping others happy became safer than acting on what YOU wanted.
But imagine texting ‘no thanks’ without spending twenty minutes crafting the perfect excuse.
Or getting through a whole week without dreading and rehearsing conversations you wish you could have.
Think of the space you’ll free up in your life by not agreeing to shit that makes your soul die a little!
How much calmer you’ll feel responding from choice and not guilt or panic.
Because that’s what this work gives you – your voice, your choice and your life back.
Once we teach your brain it’s safe to express your needs, your system will stop flooding you with anxiety every time you try to speak up. The same alarm that used to protect you from your ex’s reactions will soften.
So your brain needs enough new data that discounts its old predictions. We need to show your nervous system – through repetition – that speaking up doesn’t equal danger anymore.
And we do that with a process that helps you understand and trust your body’s wisdom, moving at a pace that feels right for you.
Please note: even though the packages includes a set amount of sessions, I invest a lot more time planning our work outside of our scheduled 90-minutes together.
Please note: even though the packages includes a set amount of sessions, I invest a lot more time planning our work outside of our scheduled 90-minutes together.
Please note: even though the packages includes a set amount of sessions, I invest a lot more time planning our work outside of our scheduled 90-minutes together.