Complex PTSD Triggers: What You Should Know About Them

Complex PTSD triggers; like a surprise reaction.

Because that’s what it feels like when you’re hit with emotion that you didn’t expect to feel.

I’ll throw an example at you:

So, you’re deciding on a place to go for some brekky with your partner. And they suggest a cafe you’ve not been to in ages – in fact you’ve not been there since you were with your narc ex.

And the mere mention of that place has got you all flustered. Your heart’s pumping, you feel stressed and now you’re crying. WTF?

You’re talking about breakfast and now you’re having a meltdown!?

Well, that’s what complex PTSD triggers are like:

Unexpected past reminders that trigger an extreme reaction from you.

Worse yet:

You can be unaware you’re experiencing them.

Like me, minding my business, picking a place to eat breakfast and then BOOM! I’m a sobbing mess.

So, how does this 180 suddenly happen?

Well, let me explain what complex PTSD is first, and then I’ll tell you more about the triggers.

What’s Complex PTSD?

The name stems from the ‘complexity’ of the impact long-term trauma has on your mental health. So complex PTSD is a type of post-traumatic stress disorder that can follow any of these experiences:

• Childhood abuse: physical, sexual, or emotional (including neglect and abandonment)
• Domestic violence: physical, sexual, or emotional (like narcissistic abuse)
• Prolonged captivity: like kidnapping, human trafficking, or hostage situations
• War and combat: witnessing the injury or death of others, or being exposed to other war-related traumas
• Torture: intentional and severe physical or psychological harm
• Organised violence: exposure to terrorism, genocide, or war crimes.
• Interpersonal violence: ongoing physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from someone known to the survivor
• Childhood spent in high-risk environments: like violent neighbourhoods or substance abuse
• Cults and sects: involvement in coercive groups, like religious movements
• Refugee and displacement experiences: fleeing from war, persecution, natural disasters, or political instability
• Systemic oppression: experiencing ongoing discrimination, racism, sexism, or other forms of oppression

It’s not widely known yet, but there’re many causes of C-PTSD. People usually just picture a soldier returning from combat to have it – not a young lass who had a shitty relationship with her boyfriend! (I didn’t even know I had symptoms until I was told in therapy)!

How trauma affects you is dependent on many things. Like your upbringing, environment and past experiences, can all make you more or less vulnerable to trauma.

And with narcissistic abuse, it’s the interference of another person’s control over you that causes complex PTSD. It’s feeling powerless for lengths of time that brings this on.

What’s the Difference Between PTSD and C-PTSD?

C-PTSD falls under the umbrella of PTSD. So there’s a crossover between them sharing similar symptoms. But what separates them apart, is this main difference:

Complex PTSD follows from repetitive, distressing incidents over a longer period of time, e.g. surviving domestic abuse.

Whereas PTSD occurs directly after a significant incident, e.g. witnessing a traumatic death.

But the thing with complex PTSD symptoms is they often go undetected, especially in the context of domestic abuse.

This is because relationships with narcissists aren’t abusive all the time. So the abuse is weaved between bouts of love and kindness, making it less obvious and harder to see it happening in the moment. Which means the symptoms tend to only get noticed after the relationship’s over and when the damage has already been done.

So it’s only when you realise how jumpy you are, or your sleep is interrupted by nightmares every night, or flashbacks keep disrupting your thoughts, that you might notice something’s not right.

But on top of that, you also struggle with trust issues and your self-esteem takes a real beating too. You might even have trouble with relationships and emotions.

Because when you have complex PTSD, it’s like trying to go about your day, but with the constant barging in of traumatic memories. They rule your thoughts and emotions making it tough to just have a ‘normal’ day.

So you can be doing mundane things, like preparing your food, and then be struck with an awful image that destroys your appetite and makes you abandon the whole meal.

That’s how intrusive triggers can feel. But imagine that throughout your daily life – it’s fucking exhausting.

Complex PTSD Symptoms:

Flashbacks of memories

Reliving stressful experiences. Like catching your partner cheating on you and re-experiencing that shock again.

Intrusive thoughts 

An influx of uncontrollable and invasive thoughts flooding the mind. Like obsessing over what you could’ve done differently in the relationship.

Difficulty sleeping 

You might struggle getting to sleep or staying asleep because of insomnia or nightmares. Which then affects your concentration during the day.

Hypersensitive to your surroundings 

You can feel jumpy, edgy and on high alert; like you can’t relax because you’re waiting for something bad to happen.

Depressed, self-blaming and ashamed 

Negative self-views of the core memories surrounding what happened. E.g. feeling like you deserved the outcome, or like you could’ve done more to prevent it from happening.

Extreme interchanging emotional responses

You might feel absolutely fine one moment. And then feel explosive anger, or grief, or regret or even numb.

Fear and panic that surge out of nowhere 

When you’re hit with an unexpected trigger, you might notice your heart rate suddenly increase. Or like you’re getting really hot and flustered, and have a sense of urgency to escape your current circumstances.

Body symptoms 

Such as headaches, migraines, tight chest, stomach aches or neck pain.

Avoiding social situations, people or places

You might start avoiding certain places, like cafes or shops to prevent or minimise associated reminders to your trauma.

Disconnected and isolated from your network 

Feeling alone and different, like no one can relate to or understand your trauma. So you might distance yourself from friends, or withdraw from social situations.

Using coping methods to self soothe

Such as drinking to forget, taking drugs to feel temporary relief, self-harming or even binge eating.

Fixation on the people associated with the trauma 

Obsessive thinking about the abuser, other victims, bystanders or friends of the abuser. Like having revengeful thoughts, or fantasies of confronting them.

Not feeling safe in your relationships

Mistrusting other people (especially new ones), paranoid that people will betray you since you were so blindsided before.

Problems remembering both good and bad memories

This could be a protective behaviour that might help you detach yourself from what happened. For example, forgetting some of the bad stuff can make it less painful. Equally forgetting the good things could make it easier to not miss them so much.

Altered views 

A pessimistic belief of the world that it’s a hostile place filled with evil people. You might fear everyones a potential narcissist and fear dating again.

What are Complex PTSD triggers?

Complex PTSD triggers are: people, places, things, situations, boundaries, senses, dates, dreams or connections that remind you of a past trauma. And your response to it is either a physical or emotional one.

So a fast heart rate when you see your ex. Seeing them is a reminder of all the painful memories you went through and it’s making you feel anxious. It’s triggering you.

These heightened reactions make you feel unsafe in your body and unable to function. Especially when your triggers are unpredictable and not clear yet. Learning the below types of triggers will make spotting them easier.

Common Complex PTSD Triggers:

Complex PTSD and Narcissistic Abuse

Because narcissistic abuse occurs for extended periods, it can cause C-PTSD. 

Narcissistic abuse is a repeated cycle rather than a one-time traumatic event. So, you experience spells of mental strain due to someone else’s manipulative control. This especially harms your psyche if the abuse went on for years.

Post Traumatic Relationship Syndrome

You might’ve heard it referred to as post traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS). Like C-PTSD, the trauma follows from being in a harmful relationship.

PTRS can make you feel like relationships aren’t safe or reliable. And this can mess with your mental health even after the relationship is over.

For example:

If you’re exposed to repetitive damaging behaviour, it’s going to impact you. That’s because your confidence and self-esteem are being chipped away at over time. So it’s not uncommon after a partner hurt you to develop a fear of trusting someone new again.

If you didn’t know you were being abused, it can also effect you. Like me, I hadn’t made the link between my reactions and the cause. I didn’t know my reactions were symptoms of complex PTSD. And I didn’t know the memory of my relationship was causing my symptoms.

Make sense?

So I knew something was up, I just didn’t have a name for it yet.

It wasn’t until a few sessions in that my therapist mentioned I had C-PTSD traits. Even though it shocked me to hear it, it became a sweet relief. Because at last I knew what was happening to me and now I could learn how to manage it.

Why Does it Take so Long to Notice C-PTSD Symptoms?

It’s not unusual for symptoms of C-PTSD to go unnoticed. In fact, many survivors of narc abuse weren’t aware they’re relationships were abusive until after. This is because:

The abuse is normalised

In narcissistic abusive relationships, victims often form an emotional barrier to protect themselves. They use self-soothing, coping mechanisms like rationalisation to normalise harmful behaviour.

You learn to adapt to your circumstances and block the upsetting times out. That’s why narcissistic relationships tend to last long – because you’re unaware of what’s going on.

So when a relationship finally ends with a narcissist, it’s crucial to go no contact. It gives you space and time to think without their manipulative influence. Hence, it finally hit me when I was alone and away from the relationship. It’s also why it took me a while to process and realise everything.

Lack of education

If you’re having panic attacks in Sainsbury’s, or crying uncontrollably because someone used the same tone your ex did. You don’t typically think it might be complex PTSD.

You think you’re losing it. 

Because the way abuse works is you get blamed for everything, so you’re accustomed to thinking there must be something wrong with you. And because there’s still a lack of awareness about C-PTSD from narcissistic abuse, other people don’t get it either. They can understand childhood sexual abuse or war-related traumas. 

But a toxic relationship? A controlling partner who never hit you but dismantled your sense of reality? That doesn’t look traumatic enough to warrant a PTSD diagnosis. They can’t see the psychological scars. So you don’t talk about it, or seek help. And you just keep blaming yourself and think you should be over it by now.

So when no one’s talking about their experiences, you’ve got nothing to compare yours to. You don’t realise that the constant hypervigilance, the inability to trust your own judgment, the way your body tenses when you see a car like your ex’s — are symptoms caused by abuse.

This is why sharing your story matters. So other women recognise their experiences in yours. So they can name what happened to them and stop thinking they’re going mad.

Because the more we talk about the specific ways narcissistic abuse affects the brain and nervous system, the more people understand that you don’t need combat boots to have complex PTSD.

Complex PTSD Triggers in Relationships

When your last relationship left you with C-PTSD, the idea of letting someone new get close feels terrifying.

Because realising someone you loved was actually betraying you, is a fucked up thing to get over.

It changes everything. You lose faith in your ability to judge people’s character, you question everyone’s motives. And you’re living like you’re waiting for something bad to always happen. 

So when you meet someone new, your nervous system doesn’t care that this person is different; it’s still running on old programming. So any kind gesture, or moment of vulnerability, and fear and panic set in.

This is why new relationships after narcissistic abuse are so triggering. You’re learning to trust someone else as well as yourself again. And that takes work.

Your brain needs proof that this time is different, like expressing a need that doesn’t end in punishment. Or a disagreement that doesn’t lead to three-days of silent treatment.

But healing in relationships is totally possible when you understand what safe love looks like. It won’t be perfect and you’ll definitely get triggered. But with the right person, you’ll be able to work through it together instead of navigating it alone.

Spotting Complex PTSD Triggers in Your Life

I experienced a lot of complex PTSD triggers in the beginning. But I’ve come through the worst and I’ve got a good grip on my mental health now. Because I know myself better and I’ve learned how to process my emotions. And you can learn how to do that too.

I wish there was a quick fix for C-PTSD that I could offer you, but there isn’t. So all I can tell you is this:

Know your triggers and learn how to manage them.

I know that sounds so simple when the reality isn’t. But when you experience similar reactions over and over, you’ll start to pick up on clues. You’ll notice your patterns of behaviour.

So write those wobbly moments down, every time. Detail what happened and how you felt. Document the date and notice the frequency of your triggers. It’ll also help you see your progress when things lessen over time. (Get my journal prompts to help you process them).

That’s exactly what I did and I’ve listed the triggers below. It’ll help you recognise yours and make your emotions feel less like a mystery.

❤️ Love

Learning about emotional and narcissistic abuse cycles gives you all this new jargon. So you become aware of what love bombing is. And when someone new romances you, it feels relatable. Because everyone’s lovely at the start, so how do you know if its the real deal?

Like first dates with new partners, wining and dining you. That can feel love-bomby. You know, the elaborate dates, the attention, all of it can trigger suspicions.

It certainly made me question if my partner’s kindness was genuine. Or whether it was just to hook me in.

You can get obsessed with red flags, super hypervigilant of every detail. I overthought all my actions, always protecting myself against any perceived threats.

It takes a while to prepare for dating after narcissistic abuse. But you can usually tell if a new partner’s intentions are good by how consistent their behaviour is and if the pace of progression feels comfortable.

🗺️ Places

Places can prompt a lot of avoidance. You’ll think:

“If I just stop going to places I went with my ex, I won’t get reminded of him”.

But that’s a limiting way to live. You’re eventually going to have to ease into facing your fears, rather than run from them. 

My partner happened to gift me a night away together to the SAME place my ex took me to. And I freaked the fuck out! My paranoia made me think I was reliving the last relationship, that I was being love-bombed yet again. I mean, what are the chances?

Of course, that wasn’t why. It was just a coinkydink, a birthday getaway with no strings attached!

But, when you’re in the midst of working yourself up, it takes full control of your thinking power. So it’s hard to see sense. It’s like all your negative thoughts keep the trigger alive by encouraging the symptoms to stick around.

And it’s moments like these when you need a tool to help calm your nervous system down.

👥 People

New people can make you feel on edge, because your narcissist ruined trust for you. You’re now fearful of being taken advantage of. So it makes sense to look for hints of narcissism in anyone new you meet. 

Unknowingly being involved with a narcissist makes you doubt your perception of people. I worried that I was a terrible judge of character and vulnerable I’d meet someone toxic again. It made me analytical of people, always searching for any red flags in their character. 

Mutual friends are reminders of your old life with your ex. So they make you nervous because you’re apprehensive they’ll mention your ex – not ideal when you’re going no contact. But on the other hand, when your hurt goes unacknowledged, it equally blows. 

So if those friendships no longer make you feel comfortable – and more of a nervous wreck – you need a clean break from them. Because as disheartening as it is, if you can’t be your true self around them, the friendships won’t feel authentic to you. And you’ll only delay your healing in the end.

📺 Movies and TV

TV shows about infidelity or emotional abuse can be triggering – especially when they feel relatable to your experiences. If you’re hypersensitive like me, you’ll feel empathy for anyone in a situation like yours. Seeing familiarities of your relationship played on-screen flashes you back to that time.

But in times of despair, it can also feel relieving. It normalises your experiences and makes you realise you’re not alone in your situation. And if you watch someone conquer all the shit they went through – that’s encouraging!

📆 Dates

The time of year can also affect you – especially if a lot happened.

You could have a terrible New Year where you found out your partner cheated on you. Stonewalling you when you confronted them and ignoring you for days after. Finally dumping you by text the day before your holiday to Bali (whilst you’re also dealing with a broken elbow) (unfortunately all true).

That’s a lot of bad memories to relive the following year. And I did, my emotions ran high in January. And the following year was no different. I was tearful and I had a negative outlook on the new year; I definitely had the blues. But can you blame me?

When something memorably bad happens, it’s like you give it a mental anniversary. So when you’re clinking your way into the New Year and reflecting on the last, you’ll remember “oh yeah, I got dumped a year ago too”.

The painful memories attach themselves because specific dates trigger your complex PTSD; whether you’re conscious of it or not. Take anniversaries, for example. They might resonate with you in the future – especially if they coincide with a bad memory of that day. Like your partner being aloof and spoiling the day. Classic.

So when the date comes back around again, you’ll likely recall the same upset.

💬 Not replying to text messages

Being ignored feels horrible. And if you’re used to the silent treatment, you’ll fear it happening again. So things like your partner taking a long time to respond between messages, start breeding your intrusive thoughts. Hello anxiety 👋🏽.

It’s totally normal that your partner could be busy and might not have their phone on them. But hours of silence, no little text advising they’re busy – that’s avoidable. So, explain to your partner what you need. Tell them why it hurts, let them understand. Because if they’re one of the good ones, they’ll want to do their best to put your mind at ease.

---

Understand why you get triggered so easily by reminders of your narcissistic ex with this blog here.

How to Cope With Complex PTSD Triggers

If you want to cope better with your complex PTSD triggers, try the following:

Go no contact

You’ll manage your triggers more once you know you’ve removed all traces of your ex.

Get rid of every physical reminder. So no photos, no diary entries and no hoodies. Block them on every possible platform. And make a conscious effort to not be part of anything relating to them. Have zero contact with them.

Luckily my ex left the country so I’d no worry of bumping into him again. It made me a lot more relaxed and I could focus on myself without worrying about him cropping up. 

Not following them on social media is especially important. Seeing what they’re up to and online stalking them is self-harm: no good can come of it. Narcissists are experts at portraying a false façade that’ll inevitably make you feel worse about yourself. You don’t need that extra dose of pain.

We have choices, and we need to be smart with our recovery. So trust me when I say that removing them from your life will only benefit you. So please don’t allow them the privilege to have access to your life anymore. It’ll take some time to adjust, but the harmony it brings you is priceless. 

Keep a diary of triggers and emotional responses.

Jot down whenever you feel extreme emotional responses and you’ll start spotting and understanding your triggers more.

It’s a great way to track your progress and see the time between incidents; you’ll notice how infrequent your triggers become. And seeing the improvements will feel like you’re getting a hold of your C-PTSD.

Once you become aware of your triggers, you’ll learn how to cope with them. It’s scary in the beginning when you don’t know what’s causing the emotional reactions. I’d sometimes cry endless streams of tears, like my eyes were leaking because they just wouldn’t stop. But I didn’t know why.

So when you get a diagnosis, you don’t feel as insane, you become aware of your reactions instead. You learn to sit in them and feel what you need to; you gain perspective over your emotions.

Manage your symptoms

Ever heard of the quote “you’ve got to feel it to deal with it”?

Because that’s exactly what you need to do with the symptoms you experience with your triggers.

So let’s say a song comes on that you and your ex used to love. And you immediately flashback to thinking about him and how much he hurt you. Which feels pretty intense and reactive, like you want to scream, cry, or maybe run away, or even shut down.

So what’s happening is your nervous system is having a response to that trigger. And it’s highlighting to you that there’s still some unprocessed trauma that you need to work through. Which is completely normal might I add – because you’re not going to know all your triggers straight away. (Hence why you need to do the above and keep track of them too)!

So when you’re experiencing these highly charged reactions, don’t ignore them, or try to push them away. Because your feelings are very much like an inflatable ball. And when you try to push that inflatable ball under water, it wants to pop straight back up again. Meaning…

Your feelings won’t just go away and never come back again. They keep trying to resurface, like through triggers. They’re basically saying “notice me and deal with me”! So that means you need to find ways to work through them and better manage your symptoms, like with these nervous system exercises.

Does Complex PTSD Go Away?

Complex PTSD triggers can absolutely get better with the right approach – it doesn’t have to be a life sentence.

I’m living proof of that.

What once felt like constant chaos in my nervous system now feels manageable because I learned to work with my body’s signals instead of against them.

The breakthrough came when I realised that my triggers were my body’s way of warning me that something didn’t feel right. Like if I had a sicky feeling after a conversation I had with someone, I’d pay attention to what might’ve caused that reaction.

But the thing is…

We often wait until we’re fully triggered and then try to cope, rather than learning how to catch the early warning signs before they feel out of control.

Which is what most traditional approaches focus on – they help you manage triggers after they happen.

But there’s actually a way to build your capacity to deal with them instead…

That way’s through somatic coaching.

I teach women how to tune into those early signals, like the flutters in your stomach, before they become full-blown reactions you can’t control.

It’s what we do in my 90-minute one-on-one sessions.

We’ll work together to uncover your body’s warning signs, regulate your nervous system in real-time, and learn practical tools you can use the next time something threatens to set you off.

Check out my coaching offers here and let’s start catching those triggers before they catch you.