What to Share on Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day

It’s World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day soon – June 1st to be precise. 

So you know what that means, don’t you…

Awareness.

And lot’s of it!

Because the more we draw attention to these infectious personalities, the more we can help those affected by them.

Or maybe, just maybe, the narcs themselves could go get some help too? 

That’d be nice, wouldn’t it?

But this isn’t a magical, or a miracle day, it’s Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. 

Which means it’s not about them, it’s about you.

Yes you, you who’s reading this and looking to know more.

So let’s start with some stats first, set the scene with what we’re working with here…

Narcissistic Abuse Stats

Narcissistic abuse awareness day statistics on NPD

Diagnosed vs undiagnosed narcissists

I’m going to unpack this a little bit for you:

I’m no mathematician (or psychologist), but those numbers are pretty high. Especially when you compare it to something trivial. Like only 2% of the world’s population have green eyes. Mad eh, we’re quite a rare species!

And this is only acknowledging the diagnosed narcissists. So the one’s who actually know they have it and are aware of it.

Which means… 

There’s a whole load of un-diagnosed narcissists, walking around, jumping from victim to victim and ruining lives along their merry way!

So if we’re estimating there’s around 450 million people with NPD worldwide. I’m guessing the number of people with narcissistic personalities is also pretty high. 

And adding those two figures together – if we had them – would be astronomical I’m sure!

And what about those affected by narcissists?

Exactly, it’s the victims I’m concerned about.

Because as that modest estimate suggests (each narcissist abuses three people in their lifetime), we’re looking at over a billion of people affected by them. 

And that number could be higher if they abuse more than three people each. Or less – let’s be fair here.

Here’s a hypothetical example

But to really put things into perspective a little bit, I’m going to use a famous rapper as an example. Their name rhymes with Tanye Best…

And I’m not saying he’s a narcissist. But if he was, here’s some rough calculations I made:

Now at the time of writing this, he’s 46 years old. And going off some dodgy Google research, he’s on his eighth public relationship. 

So that’s potentially eight affected people.

And that’s just looking at his romantic relationships (that we know about). Which doesn’t include all his potential side supply he might’ve kept hidden and lied about too! 

(Ask his step sibling, she suspected he was a cheater)!

But you and I also know how quickly they move on after they discard you. They parade it over social media for everyone to see. Or it’s broadcasted in the headlines in Tanye’s case.

And what about all their other life connections they have? Like siblings, kids, parents, friends, extended family, or in-laws?

I can’t imagine they all go unscathed, can you?

So if we go back to Mr Best, he’s:

An only child, but has two step siblings (who he apparently doesn’t get on with). Four kids, he did have two parents at some point too. And we’ve seen three of his cousins on a certain TV show. 

But bear in mind, these are just educated guesses from a quick Google search. And they don’t include friends, or other extended family (like the Barbashians).

So if we go off that math…

He could’ve affected between ten and twenty people’s lives —and that’s his life up to now. 

Is your head hurting yet?!

Yeah me too, let’s move on…

How to Spot a Narcissist

In honour of Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day, I’m spreading information about them. So it’s only right I include some education on how to spot them.

Because the more you know what to look for, the more confident you’ll feel to dump them!

Before I start, you can grab your own copy of the 50 red flags checklist here. And read more in depth about them here.

What’s a narcissist?

I’m going to echo what Dr Ramani says about narcissists. And that’s to not get hung up on the personality disorder itself. 

Because we’re not psychologists who’ve the authority to diagnose someone anyway.

So think of it as a personality style, a person who has narcissistic qualities. 

It’s no different to labelling someone as empathetic; we’re describing them, not diagnosing them.

Narcissistic traits look like this:

  • Superiority over others
  • Lack empathy
  • Entitled
  • Thoughtless
  • Seek a LOT of admiration
  • Short fused
  • Exploit and control others
  • Don’t take accountability
  • Unresponsive

And looking at that list above, you can see why this personality can be harmful to you.

Narcissist’s don’t change

Whats more, is these kinds of people can’t change. Because they don’t have the capacity to look at themselves and reflect on their behaviour and actions. 

So you know when you say something you regret and you obsess over it? 

Or you think about that time when you were 19 and you said something embarrassing that still haunts you now? 

Well, narcissists don’t do that.

They’re very stuck with who they are. And even with therapy, they only learn how to become aware of their negative behaviour.

I mean think about how hard it is for you to change something about yourself. Like if you want to be more confident; that doesn’t just happen for you, right?

So when you realise that, you can imagine how impossible it is for a narcissist to change.

They also don’t care about how you feel

Their lack of empathy means they’re not remorseful for their actions either. So if they’re never going to feel guilty for their behaviour, you’re never going to get the respect you deserve.

Which means… 

Having a relationship with a narcissist is dedicating all of yourself to please them. With zero expectation that they’ll ever do the same for you!

So you’re basically abandoning your needs to maintain a bond with them. And it also means a chaotic relationship, with no stability, bouts of love bombing and a whole lot of:

And when you read all this information about them, maybe you’ll think differently about giving them fifth chances.

So for me, Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day’s about passing on my hindsight. Because if you can recognise these signs early enough, then it’ll help you make better decisions about who you continue dating.

Once you know what kind of person they are, you then need to get to grips with their dynamics. And how it feels to experience being with them, so you can understand the harm they’re causing you.

How to Recognise the Signs in Your Relationship

Narcissistic abuse is subtle. Thats why people end up in relationships with them for so long. And why most aren’t even aware they were abused until things ended.

Because a relationship with a narcissist, isn’t bad all the time. It’s not like they’re abusive when you first meet them, otherwise no one would stay!

You see, it starts with the most magical beginning, soulmate vibes. And you’re literally gushing to your mates about this incredible person who’s been sweeping you off your feet.

But as you relax into a relationship with them, the moment where you think it’s safe to call them your partner —that’s when the act drops. 

And the devaluing begins and you see a whole other side to them.

Which can look like…

  • Hearing something a little off-colour.
  • Leaving your Whatsapps on read and not responding for hours.
  • Disappearing for a few days without an explanation.
  • Shouting at the waiter.
  • Talking behind someone’s back.
  • Keeping their phone hidden.

And if you question them, or voice you’re unhappy with something, that’s when you’ll notice a shift in their personality.

But like I said earlier, your relationship won’t be bad all the time. It’s a cycle of adoration, devaluing and discarding, known as the narcissistic abuse cycle.

Here’s an example to help you imagine what it could look like:

Love bombing

You go out to a restaurant. They’re complimenting you, telling you things like “I’ve never met anyone like you before”.

And they’re so available to you, wanting to lock in that next date type of thing. You’re excited too and can’t believe your luck that you’re both on the same page with everything.

So this charming, fairytale like beginning could last a few months. 

Devaluing

But further down the line, you start to notice their lack of attention for you. So they’re not replying to your messages, ignoring you and leaving you hanging for maybe days.

But you’ve also seen how present they are on social media. They’re always online, posting stories, showing off, liking some sexy model pics —you get the picture.

Yet they’ve no time for little old you…

So it’s this complete turnaround of behaviour that you haven’t experienced yet. And all you can go off is how well they treated you before this. Which makes you doubt what you believe.

So we’re getting into a bit of cognitive dissonance now —that’s your mind weighing up these two contradicting beliefs:

  1. They treated you well before and made you feel amazing
  2. But they’re now ignoring you and being cold.

So you decide to raise this issue with them because their distant behaviour is bothering you. 

Now here’s where you might see signs of gaslighting…

“Why are you checking up on me? You’re such a stalker! Do you not trust me?”

Instead of: 

“I’m sorry, I haven’t been treating you right and I’ll put more effort in”.

Discarding

And if you disagree enough, or set too many boundaries —they’ll discard you for it. Because you’re “too much” and they don’t know if they can be with someone who’s so insecure.

But hold tight…

Because if they dump you and then hoover you back in with love bombing, then you’re right back in that cycle again.

Look for patterns

To spot the cycle, you need to pick up on their patterns. Like is their behaviour consistent and making you feel uncomfortable? 

And pay attention to when the nice treatment follows, is it usually after a bad spell?

It’s also feeling like you never know where you stand with them. You’re confused as to whether they like you, or not. 

Or you overthink everything before you say it, you’re extra careful with your words.

It’s minimising yourself and squashing your authenticity. And when you notice these things happening, they’re signs to not be ignored.

What Can You do to Support Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day?

Spread the word, inform the girlies about narcissism and share this blog with them. 

And the boys too because there’s also females narcissists doing a lot of damage out there too.

We only get one day a year dedicated to awareness of narcissistic abuse. So that’s when we should be making the most noise about it.

But don’t stop at that because it always needs our attention. Especially because the wounds are hidden, which means those affected are often invisible too.

So if we can’t see physical signs of it happening, we need to do deeper work to understand it better. 

Get comfortable talking about it and being nosey about your friend’s relationships. 

Because I’m telling you now, even just having one friend who gets what you’re going through, can make the world of difference.

It’s the same feeling as bonding over a shared interest. 

You know when someone says “Omg no way, I love pasta too”! And you instantly click and rave about your favourite pasta dishes! And your just like “God, this girl gets me”!

It’s like that but a thousand times more validating.

So mention Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day like you would any event. Just casually drop it into conversation in your group chat. I’ll even give you a couple lines you can copy and paste now:

“Ladies, did you know it’s Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day on Saturday 1st June? I didn’t even know that was a thing! But as I’ve mentioned it now, I wanted to make you’re all aware of the signs to spot them. Here’s this handy blog I just read that might teach you a thing or two”.

You’re welcome.

#ifmywoundswerevisible

Resources:

https://www.facebook.com/WNAAD

https://www.instagram.com/joinwnaad

https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAfterNarcissism/comments/1d1bv21/june_1st_world_narcissistic_abuse_awareness_day

https://wnaad.com/about-narcissistic-abuse

https://nationaltoday.com/world-narcissistic-abuse-awareness-day

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