Complex PTSD triggers; like a surprise reaction.
Because that’s what it feels like when you’re hit with emotion that you didn’t expect to feel.
I’ll throw an example at you:
So, you’re deciding on a place to go for some brekky with your partner. And they suggest a cafe you’ve not been to in ages – in fact you’ve not been there since you were with your narc ex.
The mere mention of that place has got you flustered. Your heart’s pumping, you feel stressed and now you’re crying. WTF?
You’re talking about breakfast and now you’re sad?
Well, that’s what complex PTSD triggers are:
Unexpected past reminders that trigger an extreme reaction from you.
Worse yet:
You can be unaware you’re experiencing them.
Like me, minding my business, picking a place to eat breakfast and then BOOM! I’m a crying mess.
So, how does this 180 happen?
Well, let me first explain what complex PTSD is and then i’ll tell you more about the triggers.
What’s Complex PTSD?
The name stems from the ‘complexity’ of the impact long-term trauma has on your mental health. So complex PTSD is a type of post-traumatic stress disorder that can follow any of these experiences:
- Childhood abuse: physical, sexual, or emotional (including neglect and abandonment)
- Domestic violence: physical, sexual, or emotional (like narcissistic abuse)
- Prolonged captivity: like kidnapping, human trafficking, or hostage situations
- War and combat: witnessing the injury or death of others, or being exposed to other war-related traumas
- Torture: intentional and severe physical or psychological harm
- Organised violence: exposure to terrorism, genocide, or war crimes.
- Interpersonal violence: ongoing physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from someone known to the survivor
- Childhood spent in high-risk environments: like violent neighbourhoods or substance abuse
- Cults and sects: involvement in coercive groups, like religious movements
- Refugee and displacement experiences: fleeing from war, persecution, natural disasters, or political instability
- Systemic oppression: experiencing ongoing discrimination, racism, sexism, or other forms of oppression
It’s not widely known yet, that there’re many causes of C-PTSD. People typically think of a soldier returning from combat – not a young lass who had a shitty boyfriend! I didn’t even know I had symptoms until I was told in therapy!
How trauma affects you is dependent on many things. Your upbringing, environment, and past experiences can make you more vulnerable to trauma.
And with narcissistic abuse, it’s the interference of another person’s control over you that causes complex PTSD. It’s feeling powerless for lengths of time that brings this on.
What’s the Difference Between PTSD and C-PTSD?
C-PTSD falls under the umbrella of PTSD. So there’s a crossover between them sharing similar symptoms. But, some extra factors separate them apart.
The main difference between them is:
Complex PTSD follows from repetitive, distressing incidents over a longer duration. E.g. surviving domestic abuse.
Whereas PTSD occurs directly after a significant incident. E.g. witnessing a traumatic death.
Complex PTSD symptoms tend to be more prevalent and often go undetected. This is because narcissistic abuse, for example, isn’t abusive all the time. And when it is, you become accustomed to normalising the red flags away to better cope.
You feel jumpy, have nightmares, or flashbacks, just like in regular PTSD. But on top of that, you struggle with trust and your self-esteem might take a hit. You might even have trouble with relationships and emotions.
When you have complex PTSD, you’re trying to go about your day. But those traumatic memories keep interrupting your thoughts and emotions. It makes it tough to have a ‘normal’ day.
It’s like having a scratched CD that keeps skipping and won’t play smoothly. You’re all set to listen to your favourite song. But just when it gets to the best part, it’s interrupted by that annoying scratch.
Complex PTSD Symptoms:
Flashbacks of memories
Reliving stressful experiences.
Intrusive thoughts
An influx of uncontrollable and invasive thoughts flooding the mind.
Difficulty sleeping
Nightmares, insomnia, and lacking concentration during the day.
Hypersensitive to your surroundings
On high alert, jumpy.
Depressed, self-blaming and ashamed
Negative self-views of the core memories surrounding what happened. E.g. like you deserved the outcome.
Extreme interchanging emotional responses
Endless crying, feeling resentful, regretful, and numb.
Fear and panic that surge out of nowhere
When responding to unknown triggers.
Bodily symptoms
Such as headaches, tight chest, stomach pains – bodily tension from overthinking.
Avoiding social situations, people or places
To prevent associated trauma reminders.
Disconnected and isolated from your network
Feeling alone and different, like no one can relate to or understand your trauma.
Using coping methods to self soothe
Such as drinking to forget or self-harming.
Fixation on the people associated with the trauma
Obsessive thinking about the abuser, other victims, bystanders or friends of the abuser. E.g. revengeful thoughts
Not feeling safe in your relationships
Mistrusting other people (especially new ones), paranoid that people will betray you.
Problems remembering both good and bad memories
A defence mechanism to help detach yourself from what happened.
Altered views
A pessimistic belief of the world that it’s a hostile place filled with evil people.
What are Complex PTSD triggers?
Complex PTSD triggers are: people, places, things, situations, boundaries, senses, dates, dreams or connections that remind you of a past trauma. And your response to it is either a physical or emotional one.
So a fast heart rate when you see your ex. Seeing them is a reminder of all the painful memories you went through and it’s making you feel anxious. It’s triggering you.
These heightened reactions make you feel unsafe in your body and unable to function. Especially when your triggers are unpredictable and not clear yet. Learning the below types of triggers will make spotting them easier.
Common Complex PTSD Triggers:
Complex PTSD and Narcissistic Abuse
Because narcissistic abuse occurs for extended periods, it can cause C-PTSD.
Narcissistic abuse is a repeated cycle rather than a one-time traumatic event. So, you experience spells of mental strain due to someone else’s manipulative control. This especially harms your psyche if the abuse went on for years.
Post Traumatic Relationship Syndrome
You might’ve heard it referred to as post traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS). Like C-PTSD, the trauma follows from being in a harmful relationship.
PTRS can make you feel like relationships aren’t safe or reliable. And this can mess with your mental health even after the relationship is over.
For example:
If you’re exposed to repetitive damaging behaviour, it’s going to impact you. That’s because your confidence and self-esteem are being chipped away at. So it’s not uncommon after a partner hurt you to develop a fear of trusting someone new again.
If you didn’t know you were being abused, it can also effect you. Like me, I hadn’t made the link between my reactions and the cause. I didn’t know my reactions were symptoms of complex PTSD. And I didn’t know the memory of my relationship was causing my symptoms.
Make sense?
So I knew something was up, I just didn’t have a name for it yet.
It was not until a few sessions in that my therapist mentioned I had C-PTSD traits. Even though it shocked me to hear it, it became a sweet relief. At last I knew what was happening to me and I could learn how to heal it.
Why Does it Take so Long to Notice C-PTSD Symptoms?
It’s not unusual for symptoms of C-PTSD to go unnoticed. In fact, many survivors of narc abuse weren’t aware they’re relationships were abusive until after. This is because:
The abuse is normalised
In narcissistic abusive relationships, victims often form an emotional barrier to protect themselves. They use self-soothing, coping mechanisms like rationalisation to normalise harmful behaviour.
You learn to adapt to your circumstances and block the upsetting times out. That’s why narcissistic relationships tend to last long – because you’re ignorant of what’s going on.
When a relationship ends with a narcissist, it’s crucial to go no contact. It gives you space and time to think without their manipulative influence. Hence, it finally hit me when I was alone and away from the relationship. It’s also why it took me a while to process and realise everything.
Lack of education
There’s also a lack of education surrounding the subject. Not enough people are willing to talk about their experiences. But, I get it. It’s not an easy thing to discuss with strangers.
I too was unaware that it wasn’t just those who return from combat who have PTSD. But it’s more known, and so people have more empathy for someone who suffers from it.
It’s hard for people to understand that being emotionally abused for a long time can cause trauma. But there are different levels of trauma, and they affect people differently.
We shouldn’t compare our traumas and think that some are less important than others. Instead, share your story and help others learn and raise awareness about all kinds of C-PTSD.
Complex PTSD Triggers in Relationships
If your last relationship resulted in C-PTSD, it’ll take you some time to rebuild trust with a new partner. The betrayal of coming to terms that someone you love was, in fact, hurting you is fucked up. It makes you lose faith in people and question everyone’s motives.
When you enter a new relationship, partners can spark complex PTSD triggers. You’re learning to trust someone new and yourself, which can take time.
I was still dealing with pain and hurt from my last relationship when I started my current one. But I was lucky to have a partner who was understanding and patient while I worked through it.
It took me months before I opened up to him about everything. I wanted to be sure that I could trust him and have a safe space to be vulnerable. But before I did that, I was hiding a lot of unusual behaviours.
I had a hard time trusting anyone and was afraid of someone betraying me again. So I worried a lot that this new relationship was fake. And I didn’t realise at the time that all this anxiety was a response to my triggers.
Spotting Complex PTSD Triggers in Your Life
I experienced a lot of complex PTSD triggers. Yet, I’ve come through the worst and have a good grasp of my mental health now. And you can too.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have my ‘unexpected moments’. But I understand it a lot more, and I know how to process my emotions.
As cliché as it sounds, time’s a healer. I wish there was a quick fix with C-PTSD, but there isn’t. So all I can tell you is this:
Know your triggers and learn how to manage them.
I know that sounds so simple when the reality isn’t. But, when you experience similar reactions over and over, you’ll start to pick up on clues. You’ll notice your patterns of behaviour.
So write those wobbly moments down, every time. Detail what happened and how you felt. Document the date and notice the frequency of your triggers. It’ll also help you see your progress when things lessen over time.
That’s exactly what I did and I’ve listed the triggers below. It’ll help you recognise yours and make your emotions feel less like a mystery.
❤️ Love
Learning about emotional and narcissistic abuse cycles gives you all this new jargon. So you become aware of what love bombing is. And when someone new romances you, it feels relatable. Because everyone’s lovely at the start, so how do you know if its the real deal?
Like first dates with new partners, wining and dining you. That can feel love-bomby. You know, the elaborate dates, the attention, all of it can trigger suspicions.
It certainly made me question if my partner’s kindness was genuine. Or whether it was just to hook me in.
You can get obsessed with red flags, super hypervigilant of every detail. I overthought all my actions, always protecting myself against any perceived threats.
It takes a while to relax into new relationships. But you’ll know their intentions are good if they stay consistent and the pace feels comfortable.
🗺️ Places
Places can prompt a lot of avoidance. You’ll think:
“If I just stop going to places I went with my ex, I won’t get reminded of him”.
But, that’s a limiting way to live. You’re eventually going to have to ease into facing your fears, rather than run from them.
My partner happened to gift me a night away together to the SAME place my ex took me to. And I freaked the fuck out! My paranoia made me think I was reliving the last relationship, that I was being love-bombed yet again. I mean, what are the chances?
Of course, that wasn’t why. It was just a coinkydink, a birthday getaway with no strings attached!
But, when you’re in the midst of working yourself up, it takes full control of your thinking power. So it’s hard to see sense. It’s like all your negative thoughts keep the trigger alive by encouraging the symptoms to stick around.
And it’s moments like these when you need a tool to calm the mind down.
👥 People
New people can make you feel on edge, because your narcissist ruined trust for you. You’re now fearful of being taken advantage of. So it makes sense to look for hints of narcissism in anyone new you meet.
Unknowingly being involved with a narcissist makes you doubt your perception of people. I worried that I was a terrible judge of character and vulnerable i’d meet someone toxic again. It made me analytical of people, always searching for any red flags in their character.
Mutual friends are reminders of your old life with your ex. So they make you nervous because you’re apprehensive they’ll mention your ex – not ideal when you’re going no contact. But on the other hand, when your hurt goes unacknowledged, it equally blows.
So if those friendships no longer make you feel comfortable – and more of a nervous wreck – you need a clean break from them. Because as disheartening as it is, if you can’t be your true self around them, the friendships won’t feel authentic to you. And you’ll only delay your healing in the end.
📺 Movies and TV
TV shows about cheating or emotional abuse can be triggering – especially when they feel relatable to your experiences. If you’re hypersensitive like me, you’ll feel empathy for anyone in a situation like yours. Seeing familiarities of your relationship played on-screen flashes you back to that time.
But in times of despair, it can also feel relieving. It normalises your experiences and makes you realise you’re not alone in your situation. And if you watch someone conquer all the shit they went through – that’s encouraging!
📆 Dates
The time of year can also affect you – especially if a lot happened.
You could have a terrible New Year where you found out your partner cheated on you. Stonewalling you when you confronted them and ignoring you for days after. Finally dumping you by text the day before your holiday to Bali (whilst you’re also dealing with a broken elbow). Sound familiar?
That’s a lot of bad memories to relive the following year. And I did, my emotions ran high in January. And the following year was no different. I was tearful and I had a negative outlook on the new year; I definitely had the blues. But can you blame me?
When something memorably bad happens, it’s like you give it a mental anniversary. So when you’re clinking your way into the New Year and reflecting on the last, you’ll remember “Oh yeah, I got dumped a year ago”.
The painful memories attach themselves because specific dates trigger your complex PTSD; whether you’re conscious of it or not. Take anniversaries, for example. They might resonate with you in the future – especially if they coincide with a bad memory of that day. Like your partner being aloof and spoiling the day. Classic.
So when the date comes back around again, you’ll likely recall the same upset.
💬 Not replying to text messages
Being ignored feels horrible. And if you’re used to the silent treatment, you’ll I fear it happening again. So things like your partner taking a long time to respond between messages, start breeding your intrusive thoughts. Hello anxiety 👋🏽.
It’s totally normal that your partner could be busy and might not have their phone on them. But hours of silence, no little text advising they’re busy – that’s avoidable. So, explain to your partner what you need. Tell them why it hurts, let them understand. Because if they’re one of the good ones, they’ll want to do their best to put your mind at ease.
How to Cope With Complex PTSD Triggers
If you want to cope better with your complex PTSD triggers, try the following:
Go no contact
You’ll manage your triggers more once you know you’ve removed all traces of your ex.
Get rid of every physical reminder. So no photos, no diary entries and no hoodies. Block them on every possible platform. And make a conscious effort to not be part of anything relating to them. Have zero contact with them.
Luckily my ex left the country so I’d no worry of bumping into him again. It made me a lot more relaxed and I could focus on myself without worrying about him cropping up.
Going no contact is especially important for social media. Seeing what they’re up to and online stalking them is self-harm: no good can come of it. Narcissists are experts at portraying a false façade that’ll inevitably make you feel worse about yourself. You don’t need that extra dose of pain.
We have choices, and we need to be smart with our recovery. So trust me when I say that removing them from your life will only benefit you. So please don’t allow them the privilege to have access to your life anymore. It’ll take some time to adjust, but the harmony it brings you is priceless.
Keep a diary of triggers and emotional responses.
Jot down whenever you feel extreme emotional responses and you’ll start spotting and understanding your triggers more.
It’s a great way to track your progress and see the time between incidents; you’ll notice how infrequent your triggers become. And seeing the improvements will feel like you’re getting a hold of your C-PTSD.
Once you become aware of your triggers, you’ll learn how to cope with them. It’s scary in the beginning when you don’t know what’s causing the emotional reactions. I’d sometimes cry endless streams of tears, like my eyes were leaking because they just wouldn’t stop. But I wouldn’t understand why.
So when you get a diagnosis, you don’t feel as insane, you become aware of your reactions instead. You learn to sit in them and feel what you need to; you gain perspective over your emotions.
Manage your symptoms
Ever heard of the quote “you’ve got to feel it to deal with it”?
Because that’s exactly what you need to do with the symptoms you experience with your triggers.
So let’s say a song comes on that you and your ex used to love. And you immediately flashback to thinking about him and how much he hurt you. Which feels pretty intense and reactive, like you want to scream, cry, or maybe run away, or even shut down.
So what’s happening is your nervous system is having a response to that trigger. And it’s highlighting to you that there’s still some unprocessed trauma that you need to work through. Which is completely normal might I add – because you’re not going to know all your triggers straight away. (Hence why you need to do the above and keep track of them too)!
So when you’re experiencing these highly charged reactions, don’t ignore them, or try to push them away. Because your feelings are very much like an inflatable ball. And when you try to push that inflatable ball under water, it wants to pop straight back up again. Meaning…
Your feelings won’t just go away and never come back again. They keep trying to resurface, like through triggers. They’re basically saying “notice me and deal with me”! So that means you need to find ways to work through them, like using somatic healing techniques. Which is an approach that teaches you body based interventions to better manage your symptoms.
With this 10-week healing program you can learn ways to safely process your heavy emotions and reduce their impact. And the best thing about this is you can start putting it into action from the comfort of your home.
*A wee disclosure: there are affiliate links on this page. That just means if you click on a link – and follow through with buying it – i’ll make a commission. Don’t worry, you won’t pay any extra and sometimes you might even get a cheeky discount! Click here for more info.
Does Complex PTSD Go Away?
For many people, C-PTSD can be a lasting disorder.
But it doesn’t have to define you.
As you become more aware of your symptoms and triggers, managing it gets easier. And if you can get yourself a therapist, they’ll help you make sense of your trauma too. But if it’s not an option, don’t worry! Sallt Sisters are here to validate you.
We know your triggers because we’ve had them too. And when you relate your pain, you’ll feel less ashamed because you wont feel so alone in it anymore. Because when other people say “I also avoid places that remind me of my ex”.
You’ll go: “Oh yeah? Me too, I cope in the same way”.
It humanises your trauma.
And if you can share what helped stop your triggers, even better. A community gives you access to more help. But they’ll also show up for you and make you accountable.
We’re here, and you’re not alone.
What are your complex PTSD triggers? Put the emoji below ⬇️
👥 📆 📺 🗺️ 📦